SEEKING HELP
Grieving Seeking Help Losing A Loved One
Grieving Seeking Help. Losing a loved one; Do one need to seek professional help? I NEEDED HELP! HELP ME, “I cried out aloud.”
Let me tell you something. Losing my spouse of nearly 28 years took an” extremely,” spiritual ,emotional, physical, and social toll on me, less than a year ago.
The first six months were an unbelievable challenge, still hard for me to swallow even now time to time!! No sleep. No appetite. I had no desire to get out of bed days at a time.
Everywhere and everything around me reminds me of “us”. The house was silent. I had no one to talk to. I found myself in a deep depression.
Does anyone know the 6-9 pack of tissues you can purchase at a warehouse store? Well , I had the tissues open and in every room . I was pulling tissues out of the boxes every time I passed by them, wiping tears away and blowing my nose until it was raw! Sadness, depression, and self-pity was drowning my life.
Can I break this vicious cycle all by self with ease I thought? It was a no for me. What can a person do to move forward; how I begin this long journey with help.
How I Begin To Move Forward
I begin to move forward , by understanding within myself, I needed some help immediately! I enrolled in a Mental Health and Wellness class. It was in a class room setting, not one on one.
I did not know what to expect and if this class will help me with coping. It was not mentioned prior, but my family, close friends and my church family did reach out to me during this difficult time. Somehow, I still felt very alone and lonely. I had to pray and believe my Higher Power even more. My faith had to really carry me now, because I believed I could not do it myself.
To my surprise, communication plays a big role in overcoming grief. Such things as , passive , passive aggressive, assertive , and aggressive communication can add to your worries , anxiety and stress levels – which could be very unhealthy for you.
Know your communication style. In a “gentle” but honest way, say what you mean and mean what you say. Remember once words goes out you cannot take them back. Think before you speak. Some studies suggests walk away or count to ten. Have you heard these saying anyone?
One Study
One study I came across by a Harvard Business School researcher done on worries includes(CBT). Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) teaches people to change their negative thought patterns to more effectively manage their emotional responses, it stated.
Four things mentioned to begin to calm you anxieties;
#1 Identify anxiety-provoking thoughts. Acknowledging them makes then more manageable. Do not run from the feelings and thoughts.
#2 Challenge these thoughts that comes to mind Are they facts or just assumptions? Can you look at them in another way?
#3 Develop more positive thoughts. Example, this challenge I am going to plan carefully and ask for support.
#4 Practice mindfulness. Anxiety is usually focused on an uncertain future. Mindfulness you are purposely paying attention to the present.
PAST HURTS -5 WAYS TO LET GO
Moving Forward
Letting go of past hurt is a must. During some spiritual support settings it was mentioned several times to stop looking back. Even someone said,” you know the rearview mirror is smaller than your forward windshield. Its that way for a reason. The bigger picture is ahead.”
The article says all of us have been hurt in our lives-whether being a teen—-or adults. It suggests ,would you rather get back to an active life or ruminate about the past that you can not change. Think abut it.
This tool can apply on any kind of hurt, including grief which is why I was in the class. Therefore the power of blaming somebody else can leave you powerless.
Now, know that all of your feelings are legitimate. People who hold on to the past hurt often relive the pain over and over in their minds.
Sometimes the pain can even get stuck in your mind , it says. How can you accept new joy and happiness if there is no space in your mind for it?
5 ways – To Move Forward
#1 Make the decision to let it go. know and accept that you have a choice to let it go. Stop going over the details in your head. Stop reliving the pain.
#2 Express your pain – and your responsibilities, whether to the other person or through journal or venting to a friend or writing a letter that you never send to the other person. Getting it out all at once.
What can you do right now to take back control? Will you let your pain become your identity? Or are you someone deeper and more complex then that? Ask yourself did you play a role in the hurt or partially responsible? What can you do right now to start moving forward and begin healing?
#3 Stop being the victim and blaming others. Yes, your feelings matter. Yes you are special , but don’t confuse” “your feelings matter” should override all else. Your feelings are just one part of this large thing we call life, which is interwoven and complex . And messy.
In every moment you have the choice – to continue to feel bad about another person’s action or start to feel good. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness . No amount of rumination of analysis has ever fixed a relationship problem. So why choose to engage in so much thought and energy to a person who has wronged you?
Continue To Move Forward
#4 Focus on the present here and now – and joy. “Joy “is a big subject in our spiritual teachings. It is not the same as “happiness”, I have learned. Joy is within and happiness is from external circumstances.
Now it is time to let go. Let go of the past and stop reliving it. You cant undo the past. The more you think about the present and future the less time you have to think about the past. When the past creeps in, acknowledge it and gently bring your thought back to the now.
Some people just think this mental cue, such as say to yourself, that was the past, its okay. Now, I am focusing on my own happiness.
#5 Forgive them – and yourself. You may not have to forget another person past behaviors. Forgiving is not sayin g that I agree with what you did or that was OK, but you want to sever the hold that they may have on you.
And forgiving yourself is important, because you my be blaming yourselves for the situation or hurt No one should be define by their pain . Its not healthy. So do everybody – and yourself- a big favor; Let go of the pain. Do something different today and welcome happiness back into your life’
Greetings. What's your thought or comment?